Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out?In a web of lies you kept me in doubt.Oh, you manipulated me so well.Turned what you thought was love to hell.You have everyone fooled.If I told the truth, it would seem cruel.But you denied me justice to get your way.That’s all that mattered at the end of… Read More Mom, That Wasn’t Love…
My gender issues have been on my mind for the passed few days. I met a friend on the internet due to a twitter discussion. He is a Christian, older than I am and is SSA. He doesn’t refer to himself as gay. He is also married to a female and has children. We also… Read More Gender Issues
Previous Part: It Happened at Night I don’t usually attend Wednesday night services at church. Usually, it is a commentary of what was heard on Limbaugh or Hannity. I don’t follow politics anymore. To be honest, I realized it was part of my insanity. I don’t discuss them, listen to them or read about them;… Read More My Grace is Suff…ering
Previous Part: Scenes of Abuse I don’t think I experienced uncovered memories. I definitely have lost memories; clearly things that my aunt confirmed happened that I don’t remember. For me it’s like a trigger and I’m reminded of something that I haven’t really forgotten. Like a certain apple smell will remind me of the cupboard… Read More It happened at night.
Previous: Stranger Things… I remember the taste of feces in my mouth when my stepfather smeared my soiled underwear in my face when I was four. I remember being dressed in diapers, teased for being a baby and being photographed like this. I remember finding the photographs at twelve years old. I remember showing them to… Read More Scenes of Abuse
Previous Part: Remember When… The strange thing is, I have more anger towards my mother and God than I do my perp stepfather/adopted father. My perp stepbrother, I hated when I was young. I didn’t start dealing with the abuse until after they died. They all passed away within a year. My perp stepfather got… Read More Stranger Things…
Previous Part: American Pie – The Saga Begins Talking today… “I remember when… I was about five years old, the summer before I started school. I inadvertently put my shoes in the window sill. The curtains hid them from view. The next day my cousins and I (with parents) were going to the park. We… Read More Remember When…
Sunday: I feel like crap. We are going to church; it’s communion Sunday. I hate communion Sunday. I don’t take communion, because I can’t make peace with God. I’m still to mad at Him. I get asked to help serve it (crap!) such a hypocrite. I slip my wafer in my pocket; using a slight… Read More American Pie – The Saga Begins
Last night I sent out an email to a client, asking a question. This morning a return message came in. Instead of answering the question, the client has a snarky comment about an error in the subject. “I don’t know what you are talking about. In the future, don’t contact me about this…” He is… Read More Being Alone
How far back can you remember? Can you remember a time of innocence? A time of childhood before your childhood came to an end? Maybe you didn’t have a time in your life like that; perhaps you were abused before your childhood started. Sometimes, I try to remember those times. When life was free of… Read More A Simpler Time