My gender issues have been on my mind for the passed few days.
I met a friend on the internet due to a twitter discussion. He is a Christian, older than I am and is SSA. He doesn’t refer to himself as gay. He is also married to a female and has children. We also have a mutual friend on the internet; Kirkdaniel at https://theseashes.wordpress.com/
It’s refreshing to be able to discuss of faith, homosexuality, and gender issues with someone who is further down the road in their journey and is understanding.
I recently, read the book Whipping Girl by Julia Sarano. It explains a lot about the transexual experience from gender dysphoria, gender itself, why there is an initial erotic response from clothing and issues concerning feminism. There was a period time where I was so confused at what is wrong with me. I thought I was the only one. Now I know there are lots of people just like me that feel the same things.
I found out that you are able to extract chromosome information from the DNA genealogy services like 23 and Me and Ancestry DNA using a service at Prometheus.com. I have submitted my DNA for screening and I am waiting for the results.
I’ve always felt there is something else wrong; like I’ve had this feeling for many years that I’m intersex. I don’t think I can get my doctor to order the test based on a feeling though and I’m not sure what the ramifications I would have putting something like that in my medical record. I’ve tried to acquire my medical records from childhood but they have been destroyed. I think the DNA test will either confirm what I think or finally put it to rest. (Confirmation bias is a tricky issue)
Here a list of some of the symptoms contribute to these dysphoric feelings.
- I’ve thought since I was very young that I should have been a girl.
- I it’s a regular thought that I should have been born female.
- when I would see my perp stepfathers penis I didn’t want mine to look like that.
- I don’t like my genitals; I’d like to get rid of them.
- I was born with two undescended testes. One was corrected with therapy. The other did not correct even after surgery and was later removed.
- I’ve had low testosterone all of my life.
- I act masculine and look masculine, but this is from a time in my life when I was trying to manly.
- I’ve secretly taken herbal estrogen during different periods of my life.
- I have done things to pretend to be female. Clothes, feminine hygiene, shaving, etc
- It’s difficult to see women because I want to be like them.
- my therapist says that I am the most emasculated patient he has ever had and that I have a deep inner disgust with my masculinity
All of this sounds crazy…