I have always been interested in life-mapping and life-storytelling. Trevin Wax with The Gospel Coalition has started a series of articles about “What’s Your Primary Story”? It asked the question, what essentially is your primary motivation in life. Do we really live a sanctified life or do we live a worldly life with a facade of Christianity. He provides a few questions for self assessment, they’ve peeked my interest.

That’s why we should regularly examine our hearts and ask tough questions:

1. What is on my mind when I go to bed every night or get up every morning?
2. What are the burning questions, the big problems, the inner insecurities that fill my heart?
3. Where does my mind rush during fleeting moments of quiet?
4. When I look over my life, what narrative takes shape when I consider “steps forward” or “setbacks”?
5. What do I actually do every day? And how do my actions correspond with what I say I believe?

1. Typically, when I go to bed at night and get up in the morning it is usually issues about my gender and sexuality. It’s quite an obsession. I feel completely broken about it.
2. Burning questions, why did God allow me to be sexually abused as a child? Why does He not heal me? Does God exist at all? If He does, why is He such a deadbeat dad?
3. I hate myself and my life.
4. Setbacks, time of suicidal ideation and attempts. Loss of faith. Steps Forward, learning to live without thinking there is a God out to cast judgement on me.
5. I work. Anger drives my posts on social media.

To be honest, I’m just an angry person and I have not been able to work through my anger. My image of God is influenced by my step-father that sexually abused me.